Today is just one of those "off" days. Things are going pretty good for our family, really no major complaints. However I have been feeling panicky the last few days. Feeling as if the world is crumbling around me. It is not and is far from that. I can feel that sneaky little thing called depression trying to sneak its way back into me. The feeling that it is just not worth it. That I am not good enough. That I should just give up. Reading that it may feel as if I am hating myself and that I want to do something drastic. I do not. I just am not sure what to do with myself right now. Earlier today one of my bff's asked me what was going on lately. She KNEW something was wrong, but couldn't quite figure out what. She really made m think and I realized this afternoon though that August is sneaking up on me. I have written about the month of August and I, about our love/hate relationship. How those first couple weeks of August are when I had 4 of my 6 miscarriages. I believe that is the cause of the encroaching depression. I will continue to fight it; to try and not let it take root. Depression is one of those things that many people are extremely familiar with. It is one of those hard things as it does not have an outward appearance. It does not cause a stuffy nose, a cough, chills, a rash. It just causes an emotional downturn. Those "silent" ailments are often so hard to deal with. Thankfully I am surrounded by people who love me; my husband, my children, my parents, my family, my friends. I am confident that I will be back to feeling like me soon. Until then I will endeavour to do my best to not let this feeling get the best of me.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Depression
Today is just one of those "off" days. Things are going pretty good for our family, really no major complaints. However I have been feeling panicky the last few days. Feeling as if the world is crumbling around me. It is not and is far from that. I can feel that sneaky little thing called depression trying to sneak its way back into me. The feeling that it is just not worth it. That I am not good enough. That I should just give up. Reading that it may feel as if I am hating myself and that I want to do something drastic. I do not. I just am not sure what to do with myself right now. Earlier today one of my bff's asked me what was going on lately. She KNEW something was wrong, but couldn't quite figure out what. She really made m think and I realized this afternoon though that August is sneaking up on me. I have written about the month of August and I, about our love/hate relationship. How those first couple weeks of August are when I had 4 of my 6 miscarriages. I believe that is the cause of the encroaching depression. I will continue to fight it; to try and not let it take root. Depression is one of those things that many people are extremely familiar with. It is one of those hard things as it does not have an outward appearance. It does not cause a stuffy nose, a cough, chills, a rash. It just causes an emotional downturn. Those "silent" ailments are often so hard to deal with. Thankfully I am surrounded by people who love me; my husband, my children, my parents, my family, my friends. I am confident that I will be back to feeling like me soon. Until then I will endeavour to do my best to not let this feeling get the best of me.
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